Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
