We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
