I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
