This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
