You're completely useless in the revolution.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Randomize
