it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
