this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
