that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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