I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
