Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
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my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
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That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
And then my night got REAL pukey
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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