drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
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