I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
