Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
