I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
