Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
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I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
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I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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