Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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