I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
