It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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