i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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