hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
