we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
