I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
