Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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