Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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