i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
