it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
