Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
