sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
