Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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