dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
