i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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