i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
