in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
