Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
