I feel great
I just peed on a car
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
