it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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