to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
