yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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