my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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