Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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