i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
