I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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