Who did Billy Mays play for?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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