Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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