How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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