oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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