the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
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