It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
worst night to have a conscience
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
