Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
