Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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