I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
