he puts the penis in happiness.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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