If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
The uberlube is also flammable
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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