I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
why is half of my head shaved?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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