i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
