I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
