my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
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NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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