His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
