ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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