Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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