I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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