I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
