my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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