i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
