wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
